Okay... I know the title's a bit of a mouthful, but I promise... it'll make sense in the end.
The following is an excerpt from my novel, The Conversation... It's based in New York, about six friends who talk more or less continuously in a West Village CoffeeHouse.
Yes, I know that's the premise of the show Friends. It's my all-time favourite show, and this is my homage' to it's genius...
Anyway, I thought this one was particularly funny... And that's not me bragging. it's funny, because of Bart Simpson...
A Conversation About Profoundness in Chalk
Tyler- I did not see Elvis.
Dawson- They are laughing at me, not with me.
Tyler- I will not yell “Fire” in a crowded classroom.
Dawson- I will not encourage others to fly.
Alyssa- Hey guys. What are you–?
Caleb- Ssh!
Tyler- I will not get very far with this attitude.
Dawson- I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
Veronica- But, what are you–?
Caleb- I told you to shut up!
Adrienne- Why?
Tyler- I will not prescribe medication.
Caleb- They’re battling. Now be quiet.
Dawson- I am not authorised to fire substitute teachers.
Alyssa- Battling with what?
Caleb- Bart Simpson chalkboard quotes.
Adrienne- You’re kidding.
Tyler- There are plenty of businesses like show business.
Adrienne- You’re not kidding.
Dawson- Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
Veronica- What are Bart Simpson chalkboard quotes?
Tyler- Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
Dawson- I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
Caleb- If I tell you, will you shut up?
Veronica- I’ll promise to think about considering it.
Tyler- I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten.
Dawson- A fire drill does not demand a fire.
Caleb- It’s the lines Bart’s teacher makes him write on the chalkboard as punishment at the start of every Simpsons episode.
Tyler- I did not invent Irish dancing.
Veronica- No!
Dawson- Rudolph’s red nose is not alcohol-related.
Caleb- Yes!
Tyler- I will not demand what I’m worth.
Veronica- And they know these off by heart?
Dawson- I was not the inspiration for Kramer.
Caleb- Apparently.
Tyler- “The President did it” is not an excuse.
Alyssa- This is what you guys do when we’re not here?
Dawson- Hillbillies are people too.
Caleb- Yeah.
Tyler- Grammar is not a time of waste.
Adrienne- Sad.
Dawson- It does not suck to be you.
Veronica- How many are they on?
Tyler- I have neither been there, nor done that.
Caleb- I dunno. Like a million!
Dawson- Pork is not a verb.
Adrienne- Are they even listening to us?
Tyler- Class clown is not a paid position.
Caleb- Doubtful.
Dawson- Substitute teachers are not scabs.
Tyler- My suspension was not “mutual”.
Dawson- Teacher was not dumped. It was mutual.
Alyssa- This is actually pretty impressive.
Tyler- I was not touched “there” by an angel!
Veronica- Oh, God!
Alyssa- Okay… some more than others.
Dawson- I cannot hire a substitute student.
Tyler- I will not obey the voices in my head.
Adrienne- I’ll never understand boys.
Dawson- I will only provide a urine sample when asked.
Tyler- The nurse is not dealing.
Veronica- After this, would you want to?
Dawson- The hamster did not live a “full life”.
Tyler- Genetics is not an excuse.
Adrienne- Got that right.
Caleb- Shh!
Dawson- I am not Charlie Brown on acid.
Tyler- This school does not need a “regime change”.
Veronica- Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dawson- Over forty and single, is not funny.
Tyler- Global warming did not eat my homework.
Alyssa- What the hell is next?
Dawson- I will stop phoning it in.
Veronica- We can hope…
Tyler- I did not see Elvis.
Dawson- They are laughing at me, not with me.
Tyler- I will not yell “Fire” in a crowded classroom.
Dawson- I will not encourage others to fly.
Alyssa- Hey guys. What are you–?
Caleb- Ssh!
Tyler- I will not get very far with this attitude.
Dawson- I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
Veronica- But, what are you–?
Caleb- I told you to shut up!
Adrienne- Why?
Tyler- I will not prescribe medication.
Caleb- They’re battling. Now be quiet.
Dawson- I am not authorised to fire substitute teachers.
Alyssa- Battling with what?
Caleb- Bart Simpson chalkboard quotes.
Adrienne- You’re kidding.
Tyler- There are plenty of businesses like show business.
Adrienne- You’re not kidding.
Dawson- Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
Veronica- What are Bart Simpson chalkboard quotes?
Tyler- Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
Dawson- I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
Caleb- If I tell you, will you shut up?
Veronica- I’ll promise to think about considering it.
Tyler- I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten.
Dawson- A fire drill does not demand a fire.
Caleb- It’s the lines Bart’s teacher makes him write on the chalkboard as punishment at the start of every Simpsons episode.
Tyler- I did not invent Irish dancing.
Veronica- No!
Dawson- Rudolph’s red nose is not alcohol-related.
Caleb- Yes!
Tyler- I will not demand what I’m worth.
Veronica- And they know these off by heart?
Dawson- I was not the inspiration for Kramer.
Caleb- Apparently.
Tyler- “The President did it” is not an excuse.
Alyssa- This is what you guys do when we’re not here?
Dawson- Hillbillies are people too.
Caleb- Yeah.
Tyler- Grammar is not a time of waste.
Adrienne- Sad.
Dawson- It does not suck to be you.
Veronica- How many are they on?
Tyler- I have neither been there, nor done that.
Caleb- I dunno. Like a million!
Dawson- Pork is not a verb.
Adrienne- Are they even listening to us?
Tyler- Class clown is not a paid position.
Caleb- Doubtful.
Dawson- Substitute teachers are not scabs.
Tyler- My suspension was not “mutual”.
Dawson- Teacher was not dumped. It was mutual.
Alyssa- This is actually pretty impressive.
Tyler- I was not touched “there” by an angel!
Veronica- Oh, God!
Alyssa- Okay… some more than others.
Dawson- I cannot hire a substitute student.
Tyler- I will not obey the voices in my head.
Adrienne- I’ll never understand boys.
Dawson- I will only provide a urine sample when asked.
Tyler- The nurse is not dealing.
Veronica- After this, would you want to?
Dawson- The hamster did not live a “full life”.
Tyler- Genetics is not an excuse.
Adrienne- Got that right.
Caleb- Shh!
Dawson- I am not Charlie Brown on acid.
Tyler- This school does not need a “regime change”.
Veronica- Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dawson- Over forty and single, is not funny.
Tyler- Global warming did not eat my homework.
Alyssa- What the hell is next?
Dawson- I will stop phoning it in.
Veronica- We can hope…
